Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Toilet Anomaly

Dear Mrs. Wiles,

I am writing to express my genuinely heart-felt thanks for raising your son, my husband, with such polite toilet manners. Not only does he always put the toilet seat down, he actually closes the seat cover as well, saving both our toothbrushes from the much-hyped and dreaded spray of fecal matter which, if you believe the things that magazines and newscasters report, is one of the largest threats to civilized society there is and sheds new light on telling someone to "eat shit." Yes, there is now quite a likelihood that they already are in fact eating shit each and every time they brush, thus rendering the directive quite redundant. But I digress.

I am ashamed to admit that I have never been a toilet-seat-cover-closer and have had to learn this habit from Philip. But boy am I glad. Despite being quite surprised and making a few small messes during late-night, sleep-ridden meanderings to the toilet, I feel that the adoption of this habit truly benefits both of us. For one thing, I feel much cleaner—or at least my mouth does.

Mrs. Wiles, you can rest assured that you have raised a paragon of cleanliness and manners of the sort rarely identified within his gender, and you should be proud of this. I know I am.

Love, your daughter-in-law,


  1. This post is so cute!

    But your hubby is not the only one with good toilet training - my husband has left the toilet seat up maybe 3 times in nine years. I don't know where he learned this because his, ahem, male relatives do not share his good habits.

    Pretty lucky, you and I!

  2. Lol... love this... my boyfriend has spectacular bathroom etiquette... thank goodness for that!